I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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