I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
