none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Randomize
