seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize