Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Randomize
