Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
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