There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
