I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
