I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
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