I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Randomize
