i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
We are two peas in an std pod
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
