If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
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