just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
