i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
