You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
