I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
