i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
