TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Randomize
