Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
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