That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Randomize
