I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Randomize
