My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
