My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
