Where did you get a picture of my penis
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
