just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
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