Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
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