That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
