I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Randomize
