he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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