I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
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