So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Randomize
