Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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