I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
