Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
