so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
We had sex on a dog bed..
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
