I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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