Do you still have your period?
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
