when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
