So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
