So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Randomize
