Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
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