butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I want to be your penis for a week.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
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