He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
