I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
