he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
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