Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
