Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
