just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
