I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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