Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
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