We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
