all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Randomize
