I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Randomize
