he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Randomize
