Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
