then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
