his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
