Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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