Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
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