Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
