There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
