When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Randomize
