Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
