omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
