I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Randomize
