Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
