u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
