im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
