I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
